Friday, October 23, 2009

I Skinned 'er Right There on the Driveway

My new sofa is safely ensconced in the sunroom facing the view of the lake. And all of a sudden I got a flash of a past post by my cyber friend Robelyn at red.neck chic. She shows graphic photos of skinning a 1970's sculptured velour fabric sofa found at the curbside and absconding with the skin to make her red neck purses. I had a 1930's patterned mohair sofa and chair in the trailer heading for the transfer station.

I wrapped my head in a Rambo-like bandanna. The utility knife (with the razor blade menacingly glistening in the near Seattle like cloudy drab) carefully clenched between my teeth, I sprang from the front door. Charged across the stoop and dove onto the sofa. I cut the back off. I slit the cushions (being careful to preserve the 1929 "penalty of law" tag). I salvaged 3+ pounds of sofa flesh. But then, I out did my red neck friend. I gutted and filleted each of the cushions. I removed the skeletal remains of the coil spring foundation. These have been shipped to Kris to perform some kind of foo-foo bone dance on.

Now who says there ain't no excitement here on the tundra?

Mr, Flannery

9 comments:

red.neck chic said...

I am currently suffering from un-controllable bouts of laughter...I have a mental image of you in goggles and cape, bandanna and super hero boots (painted ford blue of course)- utility knife looking slightly menacing - ripping and shredding...the occasional mischievous snicker emanating across the tundra as you skin that sofa...

Good grief, my sides hurt! hahahaha

I ADORE the fabric!!! Thank You again! I started a new bag last night with it! I need a name for it...I'll leave that for you! Have you ever named a handbag before? heehee

;-) robelyn

Mr. Flannery said...

Robelyn -- Hogerific by Mr. Flannery, Hogs and Roses, skinned pig.

Broken China Treasures said...

How funny! I also had a mental image much like Robelyn's - do you happen to have long hair and a beard? I can't wait to check red.neck chic's blog to get a glimpse of the new hogs'n roses line of bags - Should have sent her a spring or button to embelish them with!

btw, what happened to the "under penalty of law" tag that you preserved??

Jaybird said...

You write a pretty good story Mr. F!!! I don't know if RNC is worthy of such heroics, but I do know she is tickled with the fabric. Y'all are too funny!
Have a great weekend....I hope it's warmer there than it is here!! I gotta' go and watch #1 Grandson march at a football game...brrrrrrrr....

Jaybird said...

PS: I think the purse should be called "When Pigs Fly"...
Yep, it took some doin' to get to Texas!!

Mr. Flannery said...

The Do not remove under penalty of law tag was not removed. I left it attached to the fabric shards that I sent to RNC.

No beard and a full head of short hair here. No wild man view of the world.

The Flying Pig Line does have a nice grunt to it.

SecondhandKris said...

Oh my gosh my friend - you do write one heck of a story!! Can't wait to see what red.neck chick does with that great fabric - and I will be sure to do one hell of a foo foo bone dance with my springs!! Was looking at the first set that Mike brought home today - I LOVE THEM!!! I'll do you proud I promise!!
Kris

terry5732 said...

If only Babe could figure out how to use the camera

Primitiques 'n Poetry said...

Ahhh! I now understand the name of my bag by RNC. I am feeling mighty lucky to own one! ~Mindy